We Didn't Win, But We Got A Consolation Prize
by petty102
Summary: The game is over. Wasn't it always, in a way? All of the players get sent to a planet similar to the one that the humans had lived in. John and Jane can go back to living with their respective fathers, Rose has her mom back, etc. Even Dirk and Roxy find their old homes, even if the world is different. The trolls are forgotten, the game is ignored. Until they wake up one morning...
1. Chapter 1

**Whelp, this is my first fanfiction I've ever deemed good enough to post online. Rated T for now, I might move that up to M later... I might have some typos, just tell me about them and I'll fix 'em. If you see a word with two slash marks /like this/ then that's my note to myself to italicize, and I must've missed it (once again, tell me or it might not get fixed. So, all that being said, enjoy! **

* * *

When John woke up the first thing he noticed was that his teeth were really sharp. Running his tongue over and over them, he finally decided to go look in the mirror to see why his teeth suddenly felt so... Sharp.

Looking in the mirror, he realized he was a troll

There was absolutely no denying it. The thick, gray skin, the yellow eyes, the branched horns extending upward from his head, even the small and delicately pointed ears.

His blood might've even been a different color.

John stumbled back, gasping. He wasn't a member of a species from the same universe anymore, and he hadn't even woken up from the change.

They'd only been delivered into this new universe a few months ago, and SBURB felt almost like a distant nightmare. They didn't win the game, but rather got a consolation prize: a new planet to live on.

This new universe was remarkably similar to their original one, the people looking exactly like humans (well, except for the strange black pattern that wrapped around their torsos, but no one really saw those if they were appropriately dressed). John even found his father, who for whatever reason had thought that John was coming back from a summer camp. It was almost like he had never died.

John fell into a regular pattern of pretending like the past couple of years had never happened. If he ever needed to talk about... Things, he would open his rarely used pesterchum and find one of his rarely spoken to friends. The same went for everyone else. It was an unspoken rule, the isolation. No one wants to remember something like that.

And yet, here he was, a living reminder of the unspoken times. He couldn't call one of his new friends, nor could he tell his dad. Never his dad.

This left three people.

He wanted to talk to Rose first; because while Jade would be comforting and Dave would be a comic relief, Rose would be the only one with a plausible answer.

So he clicked pesterchum, and contacted Rose.

- **ectoBiologist** began pestering **tentacleTherapist** -  
**EB**: rose?  
**EB**: something weird happened this morning...  
**TT**: Did you wake to find yourself suddenly a troll?  
**EB**: howd you guess?  
**TT**: Because I am getting hysterical messages from both Jade and Dave, and I also woke up with the same condition.  
**EB**: oh my gosh really?  
**EB**: what do we do?  
**TT**: I think we should hold on.  
**TT**: Don't do anything until we figure things out.

- **tentacleTherapist** ceased pestering **ectoBiologist** -

John's panic rose slightly. How was he going to survive the day without anyone noticing? Just getting out the door would be a miracle.

After pacing a while in a frenzy, he decided to develop a flu.

...

Rose stood up from the computer. She rubbed her finned ears again, still not getting over how strange they felt. Her normally blonde hair had turned black, and her horns stuck straight and thin out like needles. She almost wanted to tell Kanaya before she remembered that she didn't have Kanaya's number anymore.

Sighing, she contemplated several theories as to how this happened.

One: It was some strange space disease that they picked up speeding through the furthest ring. Unlikely, seeing as the length of time between contraction and the symptoms appearing being at least four months. However, maybe the disease was only recently activated by a sickness or some other external force; but it didn't explain how everyone suddenly developed it last night.

Two: this was a natural occurrence to humans in this universe. Plausible. They really didn't have any evidence otherwise.

Three: Paradox space was fucking with them. Highly likely. This was something paradox space was known to do.

Dave kept sending messages to her, her computer reminding her of him quietly.

Rose didn't feel like answering. She felt like talking to Kanaya. She hadn't talked to Kanaya in a long time. In fact, she hadn't talked to Kanaya in four months, a week, three days, and... She checked the time. Six hours.

Maybe she should now.

She opened pesterchum, and searched for grimAuxiliatrix.

-**tentacleTherapist** began pestering **grimAuxiliatrix**-  
**TT**: I know that it has been some time since we spoke, but I believe these circumstances are strange enough to permit this.  
**TT**: However I understand if you do not want to answer.  
**GA**: Rose?  
**TT**: Yes, it's me.

Kanaya stared at her phone screen for several minutes. Rose. Rose Lalonde. Rose fucking Lalone was talking to her. It had been _four months, one week, three days, six hours, and twelve minutes_ since they finished their last conversation, which was deciding to break up.

And now Rose was talking to her again.

Maybe it had something to do with the... Thing.

Well, things plural. The weird pale skin that felt thin and flimsy, the rounded ears and dull nails, the lack of horns. Kanaya only had access to puddles, so she used those as mirrors. Her hair went from black to brown, and her eyes were white with green irises. It was rather disconcerting.

On the bright side, she was now able to walk around the new creatures during the day without sneaking around and fearing for her life and their sanity. However, this was also the downside.

**GA**: By Any Chance Are You  
**GA**: Different  
**TT**: That would be one way of saying it.  
**TT**: I take it through that unprompted venture that something has likely turned you into something as well...?  
**GA**: Im Not Sure, But I Think I Turned Into A Human Last Night  
**TT**: I turned into a troll last night as well.  
**TT**: And I've been receiving reports from John, Dave, and Jade that say the same.  
**GA**: Maybe We Should Talk To Another Troll, Or Maybe The Alpha Kids To See How Widespread This Is  
**TT**: That's a good idea.  
**TT**: I also think you should come here.  
**GA:** Wheres Here?  
**TT**: My house, of course.

Kanaya's eyes widened. She never dreamed that Rose would ever invite her over again.

**GA**: Where Are You?  
**TT**: I am hopefully somewhere in your vicinity.

Of course she was. Kanaya never really left Rose; she followed Rose to her new hive and lived no more then three blocks away. But that would sound terribly pathetic, so she didn't mention that.

Rose gave her address to Kanaya, and was delighted to hear that she was in walking distance. Of course, this was too unlikely to be simply a coincidence, but she understood how Kanaya felt, and didn't mention it.

...

Dave was freaking the fuck out. Without loosing his shit of- no, he was loosing his shit. He was sick and tired of the stupid ironic coolkid act, and was desperately trying to break out of those patterns. This was the only lasting effect of SBURB that he allowed. Of course, Bro was exactly the same as before. Only now, he was slightly more disconcerting now that Dave had met his alternate universe teenage form who happened to be one of the last two humans alive on a weird alien ruled planet.

He had a hard time avoiding Bro.

But today he was going to have to use every skill he possessed to stay unnoticed in his room. Even if he had to tell Bro he woke up with highly infectious tentacle warts sprouting from his ass, he'd fucking do it. There was no way he could ever explain the trolls without explaining SBURB.

And SBURB always meant that moment when he was too weak to pull the sword out of Bro.

He sent another message to Rose, who'd been neglecting him.

**TG**: rose you asshole answer me  
**TG**: jegus fuck  
**TG**: i know youre there

He sighed and flopped onto his bed.

Then he heard that noise, that terrible terrible noise, the slight swoosh masking too fast footsteps.

Bro was coming

**TG**: ROSE I WILL MOTHERFUCKING

He stopped.

**TG**: sorry karkat effect  
**TG**: im going to do a fucking acrobatic pirouette off your head next time I see you

He heard a sound like a sword being unsheathed. In the Strider household, unsheathing a sword is equivalent to knocking on the door.

Ordinarily Dave would take his cue, grab his sword, hide in the partially open closet, then roll out the door as soon as Bro came in. It was their morning routine.

Not today. Dave had fucking zig-zag horns sprouting from the top of his head.

"Bro, I'm sick."

He heard the doorknob turn. Of course he would come in to check in on his little brother.

"No don't come in! My..." he tried to think of some dangerous symptom. "My arms are... Falling off! They're all black and gross and stuff! I think it's infectious!"

The doorknob paused for the briefest part of a second before it decided to turn faster.

Shit. Wrong tack.

"I'm naked!" Like that mattered. They were both pretty much always naked. "I'm masturbating!"

The doorknob paused again.

"Dave." Oh shit. Now he was in trouble. "We don't do that before school."

Dave let out a silent sigh of relief. "No, but I seriously don't feel well, so I don't think I'm going to school."

...

Jade knew something was wrong when she found two horns in addition to her dog ears. Then she saw Jake, who was afflicted with the same problem.

Jade and Jake never lost contact, instead decided to live together on their island as they (sort of) always had. Jade was excited to discover that both of their rooms were still intact, and Jake was excited to discover all of the riches and trophies he'd collected in another universe.

The only person missing was Beq.

Despite the literal distance from their two respective homes, the two remained quite close. So it wasn't unusual when Jake rang Jade's doorbell that morning. But it was unusual that he had curved horns growing from his head.

Twenty minutes later, the two of them sat back to back on their computers and messaged Dirk and Rose.

-**golgothasTerror** began pestering **timaeusTestified** -

**GT**: Dirk something really funny happened last night  
**GT**: Im a troll  
**GT**: And i mean that in the most literal sense a sense could be  
**TT**: Hm  
**GT**: If thats the arar or arr or whatever the fuck, im going to blow my top  
**TT**: Calm your tits, its really me.  
**GT**: Well then why was youre first response "hmm"?!  
**TT**: Because the same thing's happened to me.  
**GT**: Woah wait  
**GT**: Really?

-**gardenGnostic** began pestering **tentacleTherapis**t-  
**GG**: hey rose!  
**GG**: i know its been a while since we last talked  
**GG**: but do you know anything about people turning into trolls?  
**GG**: because both jake and i both are trolls!  
**GG**: i have no idea how it happened  
**GG**: i didnt even wake up!  
**TT**: One moment please, Dave's flipping out  
**GG**: ok

Jade huffed. She turned around and looked at what Jake was doing.

"Jake, you're going off topic."

He jumped. "Oh! Jade! You're done. Um, what'd Rose have to say?"

"She didn't say anything. She's talking to Dave."

Jade's computer dinged. "Or maybe she's done now."

**TT**: Sorry for that.  
**TT**: To answer your question, no I don't know anything about humans turning into trolls  
**GG**: oh no :(  
**GG**: you dont have any idea what happened to me and jake?  
**TT**: Not a hint.  
**GG**: :(  
**GG**: well thanks for trying anyways  
**TT**: However, you and Jake are not alone.  
**GG**: what?  
**TT**: I woke up with the same affliction, and Dave reported it also.  
**GG**: !  
**TT**: And just now John has said the same.  
**GG**: ! ! !

...

The Latino boy with dark brown hair that stuck in every which way rung the doorbell a third time. "Hurry the fuck up!" He muttered to himself.

A girl with freckles and a shock of bright red hair poked him in the side.

"Ow! What the fuck!"

She laughed.

They both wore ragged clothes, and looked as though they'd spent some time on the streets.

Mr. Egbert answered the door. "Hello?" he asked.

"I need to see John! That fucking nooksuc-"

The girl clamped her hand on the boy's mouth. "Sorry about my friend. He's an idiot. Can we see John?"

Mr. Egbert shook his head. "I'm sorry, but John is really sick. He won't even let me in his room."

"Then tell him to man up! This is fucking important-"

The girl covered his mouth again. "I'm sure if you tell him that his friends Terezi and Karkat are here that he'll let us in." She smirked.

* * *

**Dun Dun Duuuhhhn! Yeah, we all saw that coming. More chapters forthcoming...**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm sorry, I' bad at Roxy, and Dirk, and, uh... well everyone who isn't Dave or Karkat**

* * *

Roxy woke up and stumbled over to the mirror. A tall, black haired troll looked back at her, with horns that tilted back and orange eyes that still somehow managed to look bloodshot. She went back to bed.

...

John was just getting to his weirdly sharp and tough fingernails by plucking at his comforter when Karkat flew into his room.

"Where the fuck is Egbert? I need to have a word with that lump of unpleasant fluids!". He sounded weird for some reason. It probably had to do with the fact that his voice was higher than usual, just as John's was lower.

"Unpleasant fluids?" John said, raising and eyebrow.

Karkat jumped. "Holy shit it's you!"

"And you know where I live. Why's that?"

"Never mind that. Look at me. Look the fuck at me! I'm fucking... orange!"

"That's kind of racist, Karkat."

"What the fuck is racist?"

Terezi jumped into the room just then. "Hehehe, John you're a troll! I knew something was up!" She attempted her usual gruffness, but it didn't work as her voice had become rather decidedly feminine.

"Yeah, and you guys are humans. But I still want to know how you knew where I live!"

Terezi licked her lips. "It's pretty obvious. We have access to your entire life! You don't think we could figure that your house would be pretty much in the same place as before?"

"Oh. I never thought about that."

"Of course you didn't, asswipe!"

Terezi knocked his head. "Be nice."

John felt a twinge of guilt that he couldn't quite place. It had to do with the uneasiness he felt when he saw their dirty ragged clothes that looked much looser on the two of them then they used to.

But he also felt irritated. Really goddamn irritated.

"Why did you guys come here?"

"Duh. Us, human! Smells like squid monster doing."

"And you came to me?" For whatever reason, the irritation that brewed in John's chest was growing, stirring and snarling at Terezi's smug face and Karkat's unrelenting anger. "Why me? Why did you come to me?! You could've gone to literally any other player, troll or human or whatever! Why the fuck did you zero in on me! I never asked for you! Just leave me alone!"

Terezi laughed. "I know what this is. You're-"

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!"

"DON'T FUCKING YELL AT HER!" Karkat yelled.

John turned and socked him in the face.

Terezi stopped smiling. "John."

John whirled around at her. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Her entire countenance changed. She wasn't smirking or acting superior anymore. "John, you're a blueblood now. That's why you're acting like this."

It made sense. The vague unease and guilt was probably because of that too. That thought cheered him up, and the irritation lessened.

He felt embarrassed. "Sorry Karkat, Terezi." He said humbly.

Terezi shook her head. "It's not your fault; you're hardwired for us to be subservient to you."

Karkat's lip was swollen. He pressed a hand to it without a word to acknowledge John's apology.

...

Kanaya felt afraid. How many times had she seen this door? How many times had she seen it open and close, knocked on and puked on, cleaned and painted? And yet she'd never known that it was this tall. Or that there was a crack there. Or that the doorknob was shinier around the rim than the face.

Kanaya knocked once, too nervous to knock more. She waited for what felt like forever before someone answered.

It was a beautiful young troll, with black hair that curled under her chin and long, elegant horns and deliciously deep black lips curved slightly up in a knowing smirk.

Kanaya could only say one thing.

"Rose?"

"Yes, it's me. I know my appearance is different, but I am still me."

Kanaya couldn't say anything else.

Rose looked behind her a moment. "I think we should retire to my room. There is always the chance my mom might come out."

Kanaya nodded, gaping slightly and not trusting her voice or her words.

Rose led her through the house to the room that Kanaya knew best. It was so similar, it almost made Kanaya want to cry. Judging by the room, SBURB never happened. _They_ never happened.

Rose turned on Kanaya. "Where have you been staying?" her smirk was gone, and her face was dead serious.

"What do you mean?" This wasn't what really what she wanted to talk about.

"You know what I mean. You've been wearing those clothes for at least three days straight. That's not the Kanaya I know. Your hair is messy, and you're not wearing make-up. Where have you been?"

"Just around."

Rose looked miserable. She took Kanaya's head in her hands. "Kanaya. Poor, brave, strong, faithful Kanaya. You've been living on the streets, haven't you?"

Kanaya looked down.

Rose smiled, even though she felt like crying. "You deal with all my shit, my addiction, when I said to break up, my ridiculous idea to auspistize, and you never even asked for a place to wash your hair in return."

Kanaya put a hand to her hair. Was it that obvious?

Rose laughed suddenly, and pulled Kanaya into a tight hug. "I love you! I love you some much Kanaya. I should've never tried to forget you."

Kanaya's eyes brimmed with tears. "I love you too." She whispered, hugging her back.

...

Sollux was sick and fucking tired of being blind. He never did get those lessons from Terezi, so he had to rely solely on sound and Aradia. Neither of which, might he add, were very thorough.

So when Aradia exclaimed one morning that Sollux was a human, he almost didn't believe her.

But when he felt his head, his skin, his teeth... Shit. She was right.

Further exclamations told him that Aradia was one as well.

How terrible! Now instead of cringing away from the creatures that inhabited this planet and living by night, they might be able to beg for food without being captured or whatever humans did to aliens.

Not that Sollux could complain, really. He recognized this earth as a haven for homeless kids. They didn't get killed by civilians or eaten by fauna. As long as they could wrangle up food everyday, then they could easily survive without a lusus.

Not that he enjoyed it either.

Needless to say, at Aradia's suggestion to visit Dave in order to access a means of communicating with Karkat or another troll, he was somewhat relieved.

Dave wasn't at the door.

Bro answered instead. He surveyed the clouded blue eyed, sandy haired boy and the brown eyed, brown haired girl before nodding slightly and clearing his throat.

Aradia answered. "Is Dave here?"

Bro nodded, but didn't move.

"Can we see him?"

Bro shook his head. "He's sick."

"That's just typical." Sollux muttered.

"Are you sure? We don't really care if we get sick."

"Why do you need to see him?"

"We just need to use a fucking computer, and Dave is the closet person we know with one." Sollux said bluntly.

Aradia looked unhappy, but she didn't object.

Bro raised an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't you ask that outright?" He opened the door wider and let the two of them in.

...

Dirk had been feeling depressed. Not that he would ever, ever admit it.

So, they finished the game. Woop-dee-fucking-doo. Why would no one want to live with that? He knew Roxy felt it too. The game that held so much promise for them was fucked up and they would never get that chance again.

It was different for Jane and the beta kids. The game had more cons than pros for them. Their world was destroyed, their guardians killed. But Dirk and Roxy's world had already ended; there was no loss for them there. Their guardians died before they were born. But they got a chance to have their guardians back, to meet and live with them and not be the only two people in the world anymore.

But no one wanted Dirk or Roxy around.

Their presence alone was a reminder of SBURB, of their guardians who died, of their world that ended. So Dirk and Roxy stayed holed up, alone, but together, as they were before.

Well, that is until they turned into trolls. While Roxy just shrugged and went back to bed, Dirk knew something was up.

Dirk roused Roxy.

"Roxy."

She groaned and swatted the air to her left.

"Roxy." Dirk insisted, shaking her harder.

"Uhhhn."

"Roxy, you need to get up."

"Goway."

"Roxy, you're a troll."

"Ikno." She grumbled, rolling over.

"Roxy. You have pink blood."

She sat up. "Realy?"

"Roxy, we have to see the others."

Her face immediately clouded. "Adn by 'others' u mean Jake."

"No, I mean Jane, Jade, Rose, Dave, John, _and _Jake."

"And whyshould we?"

"Because we need to work together to find the first guardian."

"They wont wurk with us." Roxy reached for her drink.

Dirk nabbed the glass before she could and dumped it out the window.

"Hhhey!"

"If there was ever a time for you to be sober, then it's now."

"Whyy cant a girl have her drink?"

"Because you told yourself you wouldn't have anymore of that. Remember how angry you were after you fell off the bandwagon last time?"

She frowned, but didn't answer.

"You know why you're drinking. Because it fucking hurts to be left out."

"Well? So? Ive seen you taek a sip befor."

"I'm not in a constant state of drunkenness."

"Fuckk you. The obly reason youre saying this is bcause u want to see Jake."

"No, I said that-"

"All you ssay is bs. Youre pathetc; you are alllwaaaysss lllooking for a excuse to see hmi."

Dirk hated her when she was like this. There was no use in gentleness or harshness; all you could do is wait it out.

He sighed, and helped her to the bathroom to throw up.

...

Dad was worrying. He worried about his son, who was too sick to unlock the door. He worried about the two strangers he let in. He worried about the shouting he'd just heard. He worried that he made a mistake letting those two kids in.

Why didn't he ask who they were? Was he loosing his overbearing fatherly countenance?

No, he decided. He would go in there, check in on his son, and demand explanations from Karkap and Derezy, or whatever their names were.

He strode up the stairs and opened the doors.

...

Dave paced back and forth in his room. He heard some muffled sounds downstairs, telling him that Bro was home, as well as the sound of muted conversation and the door closing. He deduced that someone came over, probably one of Bro's puppet fanatics. But now what? He managed to get rid of Bro that morning, but he couldn't think of anything that would keep him out now.

He took a deep breath. Then another. He steeled his nerves as he faced the inevitable. He would tell Bro. He would tell Bro everything. Even the moment he was to weak to pull the sword out. Even when Jade died. Even when Jake died. Even before, when he was in another universe with another Bro.

He was going to tell him everything.

He had the words planned out. He would say them before Bro even entered his room.

The doorknob turned.

"Bro, I have something. I need to tell-"

Sollux walked in.

Dave broke off. "Who the fuck are you?". He remembered he had horns. "Holy shit, uh... This isn't what it looks like. I'm... Uh..."

"Dave, we know your a fucking troll. It's me, Sollux."

"You're... Human."

"No shit." Sollux felt his way around the room, stumbling around pathetically.

"Do you need help?"

"Yes. I'm blind, and I need a computer."

Dave guided him to the computer, setting his hands on the keyboard.

Sighing, he said, "Let's get started."

...

Aradia didn't know how humans were supposed to act. So when this strange man-lusus (which she thinks is called a "bro" in human terms) asked her if she wouldn't mind explaining herself, she didn't know an appropriate response.

"I'm... Aradia?" She ventured.

"Anything else?"

"Aradia Megido." She said, certain this was the right response.

His shades glinted with obvious disapproval (although how she discerned this, no one can rightly say). She'd answered wrong.

"Who is your friend, and how do you know Dave?"

She really stumbled on this one. Should she say the truth? This man obviously wanted it. Or should she leave it for when Dave feels ready?

"He's... Sollux Captor. We are... School friends." She hoped she was using the term "school friends" correctly. All she knew were that friends were sort of like moirails, except that you could have a bunch. "School friends" sounded slightly more platonic.

"Dave has never talked about you before. Do you know about his friend John as well?"

Aradia grabbed at this. "Yes! Yes, we know John."

"Even though he's in another state?"

Shit. "Dave likes to talk about him."

"I see..." Aradia felt like she was being let off with a warning.

* * *

***Uses dramatic announcer voice***

**Will Dad find out that John's a troll? Does Bro know more than what he's letting on? And why does Sollux say "Let's see what I can do" even though all he's going to do is message KK? Was that an obvious and painful blunder on the author's part? Or something more?**

**Tune in next time!**

**Oops. Karkat does know what racism is. Please ignore that bug until I work up the nerve to fix it**


	3. Chapter 3

**I change what I said earlier. I'm not really good at anyone.**

**So, some JohnKat. I always thought that after Karkat admitted his blood color and before he died, Equius would follow Karkat around the meter like the creep he was to listen to him yell at all his 'superiors'. **

**Oh, and I made some minor edits in the past chapter. If you're too lazy to go check on it (shame on you!), I just stuck my headcannon that human voices are higher than troll voices. No big difference, really.  
**

**I totally forgot that it was done and didn't publish it for a while, sorry...  
**

* * *

"Dad! Um, hi."

"John?"

"Uh, yeah, I, Uh, I'm... Dressing up."

"Well, do you... Feel better?"

"Oh, yeah, loads, I'm feeling much better."

"Why are you dressing up?"

"It's for, a... Um... Dressss... Uh... Rehearsal." John was pretty proud of this excuse.

"Who are these two?"

Karkat and Terezi were for once quiet.

"Um, they're stage hands. They're helping me."

"Where's the dress rehearsal? Is it at your school?"

Shit. Shit. It couldn't be, because it didn't actually exist. "Um, no, actually it's going to be at Rose's school."

"When do you need to be there by?"

Oh shit shit shitty fucking shit. "Ffffoouuuuurrr?"

Dad gave a nod. "I'll drop you off there in an half hour.

Well fuck.

...

Rose took Kanaya's hands. "I promise that we'll figure this out. But the only way we can do this is if we can find the first guardian."

Kanaya wasn't going to just let Rose walk around outside. She'd been on the run from poachers before; this was not just the type of planet to wander around as an alien in. "Rose, please don't do this."

"You can keep me safe; you still have your lipstick, right?"

"But, there's a lot more people than me, and they'll easily overwhelm me."

"Kanaya, you're thinking of your planet. On Earth, humans will go to great lengths to avoid believing in something strange. At most, they'll fine us for public disorder, or something like that."

Kanaya chewed her lip. All she could think of was fires and rabid humans poking at them with sharp instruments while screaming in their weirdly high pitched voices.

"It'll be okay. Remember, I'm a Seer of Light; I can tell that this is the place we have to go to."

Kanaya let out a sigh. "Only if you let me keep my chainsaw out."

...

Jade felt uneasy. Something was off, and she didn't just mean the whole waking up as trolls thing. Her intuition was going off like crazy. She knew she had to see the others, in person. Jake didn't quite understand all this when she explained this to him.

"We need to see everyone."

"But... Why?"

She let out a groan of exasperation. This was the third time they were going over this. "Because I feel like we have to!"

"You're... Psychic?"

"Intuitive, something completely different!"

"Right, right." Jake finally realized how infuriating he was being, and backed off.

"Okay. Thanks. Now, let's go!"

"Now?"

"Now!"

"But... How? Don't we need to take a plane?"

Jade tried to stay calm. She loved her grandpa/grandson, but sometimes he was so dense! "I'm an omnipotent Witch of Space, remember?"

"Oh yeah, we can just teleport there!"

"_Thank_ you."

...

After hours of painstaking research on the computer, Dirk and Roxy finally located where the First Guardian was most likely to be. Well, three places. But if the First Guardian wanted to see them, he/she/it would probably be at the first place they checked.

Bus tickets were booked, money was exchanged, and Roxy was sober enough not to be arrested for underage drinking. They boarded the Greyhound, and settled in for a very long ride.

Or at least Dirk did.

"Diiiiirkk."

"What?"

"Diiiiiiiiiiiirk!"

"Need I repeat myself?"

She giggled. "Yes."

He sighed, but played along. "What."

"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirk!"

"Yes?"

She gasped loudly enough that the people who sat beside them jumped.

"You didn't say 'what'!"

He breathed slowly in, and slowly out.

This would be a very, very long ride.

...

The car ride was long, and silent. Karkat kept sniffling in the backseat. Terezi was silent. Neither of them spoke, leaving John feeling awkward and somehow like an abusive father or something.

Dad noticed the awkward silence as well, and was that one kid... Crying? He did notice that his lip was bleeding after he left John's room with him.

As a stern father figure, Dad was apprehensive about the whole thing. It felt too much like a ploy, somehow.

John stole a quick look at Karkat. He wasn't crying, much to John's relief. It just sounded like he had a cold. That was probably why he sounded weird earlier.

The car turned another corner and the school loomed into view. Suddenly, it struck John that he might have to enter the school. Was it even open still? Of course it was, what's he thinking, it's only four.

But still, John hadn't thought this far. What was he going to do? If his Dad tried to follow him, it would soon be apparent that there _was_ no play. Then he would have to explain the get up, but that would necessitate some kind of reason why he even had a getup on, and why he'd lied about it...

John hoped Dad wouldn't follow him.

...

Of course Dad was going to follow John, there was no doubt about that. This whole thing was just too fishy for him not to. But something said that nothing would be revealed unless he followed in secret; which was what he did.

With a misleading, "Be back in two hours," he drove the car and parked it about a block away. Then, he slunk back, hiding in shadows and around corners until John and those other kids were in view.

Dad was unsurprised to see that they were sitting in a silent, empty corner in the back of the school. He figured as much, but that didn't stop his fear and disappointment from sliding over him. It looked like his John had been pulled into something nefarious, and would need all the help he could get coming back out.

...

John sighed, leaning against the wall. "I'm so glad we found this place. We should probably just wait until Dad comes back to pick us up. I know he'll be exactly on time, so he should be her at six."

Karkat sniffed again. "Arrrrgh! Are human bodies _always_ leaking this juice? It fucking gross and annoying! And what the fuck is wrong with my voice? Why is my nose all plugged up? What the fuck is wrong with me? Is this fucking _normal_?" Karkat exploded, probably having had spent too much time quiet.

Terezi laughed. "You sound like that time when you took Vriska's dare and shoved a bowlful of grubsauce up your nose-"

"Auuugh! Shut the fuck up!"

Something about that exchange grated on John's nerves. But then again, everything grated on his nerves now. He took a deep breath as Terezi and Karkat squabbled, and rubbed his temples. Now that he was aware of the irritation, he was able to control it enough not to strangle the two. Jesus, why are they always talking talking talking? It was fucking annoying!

"Shut the fuck up." He mumbled unintentionally. They didn't notice. For some reason, this infuriated John even more. They should be paying attention to even his rude mumbles! Why were they so preoccupied with themselves? Loathsome lowbloods.

John froze. He could not believe he actually said that. Well, thought. Whatever.

He needed a distraction.

...

The distraction arrived in the form of Rose, Kanaya, Dave, Sollux, and Aradia arriving at once in the same place.

"John?" Dave asked.

John took him in. His white-blonde hair was pitch black, and foot high horns stuck out zig-zagged almost reminiscent of a certain scratch that I know everyone else would recognize. You know, _that scratch_. THE scratch.

Terezi laughed (when will I open something Terezi says without a laugh? Probably never). "Dave, you look like such a stereotypical lowblood."

"Fuck off."

"What's happening? John? Terezi?" Sollux asked, clinging to Aradia's arm.

"Oh, everyone's different." Kanaya said.

"What? What the fuck is going on!" Sollux demanded. "Where's Kanaya?"

Everyone ignored him.

Karkat coughed. "I feel fucking horrible. What the fuck _is_ this?"

"Oh, don't worry, it's probably just a cold." Rose responded.

All the trolls froze (current humans, past trolls, whatever).

"A.. C-cold?" Karkat choked out.

"Yes a cold. Your nose runs and you cough then it goes away." Dave explained.

Aradia answered hesitantly. "Karkat, if we figure out how to turn back, we should probably wait for your... Cold to go away before we do you. Just to be safe."

Karkat shakily nodded.

"What? What does a cold mean for trolls?" John asked.

Terezi seemed just as hesitant as Aradia. "A cold is... A potentially terminal disease. It starts out as just the sniffles, but eventually you'll start... Bleeding."

All the trolls (humans) shuddered.

"Ookaaay..." Dave said, drawing out the word while raising his eyebrows a millimeter.

Jake and Jade appeared, turning the corner.

"Finally!" Jake said, sounding annoyed.

"I did the best I could, okay!" Jade responded, sounding uncharacteristically sharp.

"What happened?" Rose asked.

Jade squinted. "Rose?"

Jake answered on top of her. "Jade fell asleep before we could teleport here! I had to wait another half hour before we could leave!"

"Dude, it's not her fault. She's narcoleptic."

"She's what?"

"Nar-co-lep-tic." Dave said slowly, as though he was addressing an idiot.

Jake didn't notice the jibe.

"It means she falls asleep sporadically without any control." Rose elaborated.

"Really?"

"You've been living with her for four months, and you still haven't realized?" Dave said, his eyebrows almost clearing his sunglasses.

"As much as I am loathe to, I must cut short the merry making. I believe that there's an apology in order." Rose interrupted.

"For what?" John asked, making everyone uncomfortable with his obvious ignorance.

Karkat was pissed. He wanted to smack that nooksniffer upside the head.

"What do you mean, for fucking what? For _leaving_ us on a motherfucking _alien_ planet! For being an asshole and not responding to our messages! _For fucking with our lives_!"

John's irritation found a vent, and he couldn't stop himself. "Well excuse me for not knowing! You're so fucking annoying! What should we have done, sheltered you in our homes like refugees? All you would've done _then_ was complain!"

"John," Rose cautioned, her eyes wide.

"How do you fucking know? You've never tried it!"

"It's just Karkat." Rose continued.

And suddenly, it _was_ just Karkat. Well, not suddenly. And not _just_ Karkat either.

It was a Karkat with the guts to yell back. It was a Karkat who never gave a shit what people thought of him, or what became of him. It was a new Karkat. A sexy Karkat. A mutant blooded Karkat, whose slush that ran through his veins wasn't even on the hemospectrum.

John wasn't quite sure what happened next, but he thought that he said something along the train of thought his mind was spiraling down, because Karkat had his hands on his face and everyone was laughing.

"Um... Shit?" John said.

Rose cleared her throat. "Well, I don't know about the others, but I know that I'm very sorry. To all of you." She said, looking at all the trolls (humans) seriously.

Jade sighed heavily, then turned sightly and saw something, a shadow within a shadow, shift ever so minutely as to possibly disturb the air enough that the next breath taken feels ever so slightly shaky. Jade let out a soft "Oh," of surprise before she fell asleep.

"Shit!" Dave said, as he caught her.

No one had a chance to respond because at that moment (not having had heard the conversation, only having had seen a girl crumple with seeming no reason) Dad, Mom, and Bro jumped out exclaiming at once, "What happened to her?"

All the kids looked at each other. "Shit." They said in unison.

* * *

**The whole reason Karkat doesn't believe in dares is because of that dare from Vriska.**

**Fun fact: I write this on the notes app on my iPod. You will never believe the hoops I have to jump through to publish on this site... I really should just type it up on my computer.**

**Wow, I think I enjoy these commentaries more than writing the actual story.**

**Anyways, the wrap up thought for today is:**

**How many times can a person say either 'fuck' (and variations thereof) or 'shit' before it becomes obvious that the author is incapable of coming up with enough words to put into the sentence?**

**The answer is something you must determine for yourself.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to my 16 followers! That number just made my day!**

**So, sorry if this is either hard to follow or too mushy. It came out differently in my head...**

**WARNING: IT GETS META. I love meta. I really love meta.**

* * *

"Hi Dad, uh, this's Jade. She just fell asleep." John stuttered nervously.

Dave looked like he wanted to sink into the wall behind him, and Rose didn't even attempt to shut her mouth, which had fallen open at their arrival.

Dad glared at everyone except John, as though they were all accomplices for John's corruption. "And just who _is_ Jade?"

John faltered, not having an adequate response ready.

Rose saved him. "Jade is another actress in the play we're all in. We just met a couple weeks ago."

Bro tightened his hands on his katana, which was still sheathed on his back. "What is this play? I haven't heard anything about it before this morning."

"It's a secret play," a voice said from behind them.

Everyone whirled around.

A man was walking out from behind them, a very, very pale man, who pretty much gave new meaning to the word "albino".

Smirking slightly, as though he was deciding to be ever so slightly self indulgent, he said, "These children have been enrolled in a secret play, one they've engaged in as soon as they arrived. I would address you further, but our final contestants have yet to arrive."

At the sound of two loud voices, giggling and yelling as though both were slightly deaf, his smile increased and grew a self-directed warmth. "Ah, it seems they're here."

...

Roxy has never been one to neglect to bring some form of entertainment, especially on long trips. That and the way Dirk chewed her out for her drunkenness only encouraged her further to bring a portable bar along with her.

And it _was_ a long trip. That with how everyone looked at them like they were either crazy or movie stars, who could condemn Dirk for dipping in Roxy's stash once or twice? Three times? Six?

Needless to say, both were in quite the state as they stumbled off the bus. Giggling and slurring their words, going into fake arguments and laughing about them.

"Why the fukc did you missss the buss?" Dirk said.

"you missed it too. sso fuuuck youo!" Roxy replied, nearly incoherent.

"i wan't the one to ssssayy 'lets get off her!"

"yeah u wer! You sso were!"

They walked right into John, then stumbled back and fell, laughing.

I would just say, "Everyone stared at the disgrace in shock", but each person's reaction was much too personalized to simply classify it all as shock. So, instead, I will tediously describe each of the thirteen people presents' individual reaction.

Dave: His face was distorted into that of horror, his mouth gaping slightly and his eyebrows flying into his hair. He never wanted to put up with Dirk ever again, and yet here he was, in person right in front of him. Oh sure, Roxy was there, but he had rather neutral feelings toward her.

Rose:

**WE DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK EVERYONE WAS SHOCKED JUST GO BACK TO THE STORY**

Okay, jeez. But there are so many amazing reactions, take Kanaya for example, she felt disgraced at sharing a species (even if only temporarily) with these two trolls

**WE SAID TO GO BACK TO THE MOTHERFUCKING STORY**

Alright, alright.

Bro slowly unsheathed his katana. He flashed it so that it seemed to be directed at both the two new arrivals as well as the very pale man.

"Who are you, and exactly what is happening?" Bro said, enunciating each word with force and precision.

Mom decided to take a role in the conversation, now that she had fully taken in everything that there was to take.

"Rose, why didn't you tell me you were leaving? And who is this girl you had over earlier?" Mom was stone cold sober. She'd been so ever since Rose had come home four months ago, staggering to the bathroom to vomit.

And Mom had noticed some unsettling things.

The strange bright orange dress crumpled in a heap in the back of Rose's closet for one. The weird cards just beneath it, rectangular with one corner cut off, depicting any number of things from needles to movies to vials filled with who knows what, for two. The fact that Rose would say something that wouldn't make sense, then pretend it never happened, for three.

Rose thought that Mom hadn't heard her conversation with the strange girl. Just the fact that Rose wanted to hide the reunion with the girl was a warning flag that Mom noticed, and snuck out to follow her.

And now all this.

Rose looked warily up at Mom, suddenly realizing that the woman was much more observant than she had given her credit for.

The pale man's smile widened yet still. "I think I will leave the explaining to the kids. They've neglected it for long enough."

He vanished in a flash, turning all the humans (trolls) back to their original form, and wearing their god tier pajamas.

Everyone slowly looked at the guardians, who gaped in silence not just at the disappearance of the very pale man, or even the sudden reappearance of their kids, but at Dirk and Roxy.

Because without the horns and the gray skin, it was pretty obvious that Dirk and Roxy were the same people as Mom and Bro.

...

Roxy had never felt so sober in her life. Whatever the pale man did, it sure was a helluva lot better than strong coffee and a cold shower.

However, it didn't stop her from being an idiot. The first thing she said was, "Fuck, I'm sexy," while staring at Mom.

Dirk butted her arm. "Roxy, they don't need any more confusion." he muttered.

Bro's shades flashed as his head whipped to bore into Dirk, who looked steadily back. After this silent exchange, Bro straightened up. "Roxy," he said, addressing Mom. "I think we need some explanations. Would you mind if we used your house?"

"Not at all." She said warily, looking from Rose to Roxy.

And with that, the teenagers were herded by their (seemingly collective) guardians to Rose's house just down the way.

As I know that you are all desperately wanting to know why the fuck Jane's fallen off the face of the planet and not this next conversation (which will most certainly be full of shock, revelations and raw emotions), I will do you the courtesy of ending it here in favor of Jane's past couple hours.

...

When Jane woke up as a troll, she didn't panic or worry. She curled up into a ball on the floor and cried.

When Dad (Crocker Dad) came up and found her in the fetal position, her eyes stained blue from tears, he didn't panic or worry, he just lifted her up without a word and carried her to the couch, where he held her gently, murmuring that it would be okay.

You see, Jane was the only one who just couldn't pretend like nothing ever happened. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the fork hurtling toward Jake's torso, felt the bitter happiness his death brought her, tasted the bloodlust on her tongue so thick that she would wake up screaming that she was drowning in it.

She was the only one to tell her guardian everything.

When she saw her house, undisturbed and completely, heartbreakingly the same, she ran inside to find Dad cooking just as he always was. He was alive. Alive and well.

But then it crashed on her that this was not _her_ dad. This was some other Dad.

So she cried.

They managed. Dad loved her, even though he found out that the daughter he raised had ceased to exist. Jane loved him, even though he wasn't the right Dad.

Jane was the only one who'd managed to begin healing and dealing with the horror of the past year. This new planet was an illusion, a candy for the humans who so desperately wanted everything to go back to where it was.

And they took it like fools.

The trolls didn't have time nor were genetically apt to wallowing; Jake and Jade acted as though they'd always known each other. The rest of the Beta kids enjoyed the illusion and played it for all it had.

And it was this reason that Jane despised talking to them and had long since ceased to answer them and in time, they stopped messaging. And she was just fine with this arrangement.

But Dad always said that she should talk with them, no matter how aggravating they seemed, because they shared the same experiences and could help each other feel better, even the trolls she barely knew.

Bullshit, she thought.

So her solitary sorrow continued unabated. Dad was a comfort, but didn't hold the instant memory remedy she desperately wanted.

"I'm not going to school today." She mumbled, slightly delirious as though she was stricken with a fever.

"Of course not. I'll stay home with you today, too." Her father (half-brother? Son?) answered.

She shook her head. She couldn't think like that. This was _her dad_, so fuck all biological rules, ecto or otherwise.

The day passed pleasantly enough, even if she felt more volatile and murderous than usual. They made cakes, watched movies, and sometimes just sat in silence. Until at one point in the afternoon when quite suddenly she wasn't a troll anymore.

She was a god teir.

Dad almost seemed unfazed by the transformation, taken aback only by it's suddenness.

So while Jane panicked and felt her head for the horrible, horrible band while simultaneously reliving every awful moment of the game, he just picked her up, carried her to her room, and changed her out of the offending clothes.

She sobbed and said that like most gaming abstractions, she could still wear it at any moment if she wanted.

"But you don't, so it won't come back." Dad said quietly.

Startled by the accuracy of this revelation, she realized its truth. She could choose. She had to choose to go back.

And while I would like to say she had a life changing moment, and realized that she didn't have to have her life controlled by fear of herself or anyone else, she didn't. That only happens in movies. This is a fanfiction.

But she felt well enough to calm down.

And you know what? That was enough.

...

Roxy and Dirk stood awkwardly in the front of the group, closest to the scrutiny of the guardians. Each had their respective child/parent/sibling (whatever) beside them. The trolls (humans) had been shunted off to the back of the room.

"So." Dad (Egbert) began. "So."

"We can explain this." Dirk said, steely eyed.

"Explain what? What is _this_ exactly?"

"The disappearing and stuff." Roxy tried to elaborate.

"Okay then. Get to it. The _whole_ story."

Rose took a deep breath and walked out from her mother's protective stance beside her. She placed herself beside Kanaya, and threw a resigned glance at the ignorant guardians.

"I will explain." Her hand found Kanaya's, and she felt stronger.

...

Jade roused at this point (wondering what happened to her?). Mom had laid her on the couch, not knowing what else to do. Jake was sitting beside her, half listening to the awkward conversation but not really feeling the need to join in.

"Oh shit! How long was I asleep!" Jade jumped up.

"I dunno, like a half hour or something."

"What's happened?"

"They're just trying to come up with an excuse."

"What? For who?"

"Oh, um Mr. Egbert and Roxy and Dirk, but their grown-up version. The pale guy just kind of... Disappeared and made us human. " Jake got confused thinking about that, so he was trying not to dwell on it

"Oh no! Is everyone okay?"

"Yes, so far as I can tell. But it sounds really confusing."

"Yes I know!"

There was a pause, and Jake bit his lip, as though trying to phrase something. "You know... I kinda wanna compare notes on our sessions. Ours was pretty boring, I know, but I had a lot of fun exploring caves and stuff... Plus, it sounds like a lot of cool stuff happened in your session."

Jade closed her eyes. "Jake, I _died_."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just thought it could be a bonding-type thing..."

There was a long moment of silence.

"Can we... Can we go back to the island? I feel kinda tired." Jade said, finally breaking it.

"I want to stay here a little longer! I miss my friends!"

"Do you mind if I leave without you?"

Jake froze. "What?"

"I'll come back to get you in a day or two. I've actually wanted a day on the island on my own for a while now." She fidgeted with the ring around her finger.

Jake felt kind of hollow. He registered this enough to say something vaguely affirmative and to give her a weak smile.

She smiled in relief. "Thanks Jake! I knew you'd understand!"

And she was gone in a flash of bright green light.

And Jake felt the hollowness which had gnawed on his insides for a long time now begin to smile at her disappearance.

And he was happy. She was gone at last. This was how it was supposed to be.

And he wanted to go home.

And he wanted to see Dirk.

And he wanted to grab Dirk and drag him home.

And he wanted everyone to come home with him.

He didn't know what he wanted.

He sank to his knees and cried quietly in the corner as the hollowness attacked him.

...

Rose managed to spin off an amazingly detailed and emotional story of how they were blackmailed into a gang that smuggled goods out of America, the leaders of which were renowned for their speed and mystery. A messenger had been sent to recruit them and take them to the site. But, for whatever reason, the man in charge allowed the adults to come so that they could rescue them.

That way, they were all saved.

Honestly, Rose thought that at least Bro would see right through the ploy, but he just nodded in an understanding way as he pulled Dave into a hug.

Rose was engulfed in a gentle perfume and the soft texture of her mother's lab coat. Surprised, she was unsure how to respond.

"Baby, I'm so sorry..." She said. "I wish I could do something before."

Rose almost took this for a passive aggressive jibe, but she decided to enjoy the love and warmth instead of the message it might possibly hold.

When her mother finally broke the hold, she turned to Kanaya. She asked slowly and carefully, "Who are you?"

Kanaya looked scared. "I'm Ka-kanaya." She looked instinctively at Rose, a fact that Mom didn't miss.

"Kanaya, how do you know my daughter?" She didn't sound angry or reproachful, just worried.

"She was a friend from... before the gang abduction." Rose saved her.

"Just a friend?" Mom asked.

"Yes," Kanaya answered, looking at the floor.

Rose grabbed her hand defiantly. "No, you are not just a friend. You are my girlfriend." She leaned closer and smiled. "My Matesprit."

Although the two of them missed it, Mom gave a small smile, proud of her daughter and this Kanaya.

But that didn't mean she wasn't going to chew the hell out of Rose later for dating without permission.

Meanwhile Bro had finally let Dave go from his bone crushing hug. He turned to Sollux and Aradia and dipped his head slightly to them, but didn't otherwise address them. Aradia kept up a mumbled running stream of commentary for Sollux, and kept his feet away from everyone else's so he wouldn't get stepped on.

Dirk stood quietly with Roxy until he was approached by Bro. He excused himself from her and went to talk privately to Bro.

"You're a younger version of me, aren't you?"

"So, you think the gang theory is bullshit?" Dirk asked.

"I've seen Dave fucking fly. I _know_ it's bullshit."

Dirk ducked his head slightly. "Yeah, there's a story, but I think that Dave should be the one to tell you when he's ready to."

Bro nodded slightly. Cocking his head slightly, he asked one more question: "Do you need to stay with us?"

"I don't know if Dave would like that."

"Well, it's not his choice, is it?"

* * *

**Woo, guardian love! But what about the poor trolls? They need some love too!**

**And really, Jade? You know Jake died too? And pretty much everyone else? Jegus...**

**Anyways, in case it wasn't clear, I like calling the trolls trolls, regardless of whether they're physically trolls at that moment.**

**Oh and yes, there are two Dads, Mr. Egbert and Mr. Crocker. I'm lazy, so I will only distinguish them once, but don't worry; if ever comes a scene when they meet, I will address them by their full names.**


	5. Chapter 5

**This will probably be less coherent than usual, because I kind of rushed writing it... Homework piles up when you're not doing it...**

**Anyways, call out to KatariReviews/SeductiveStriders! Thank you so much for your awesome review! I love and appreciate all of your reviews readers, but I especially like ones with questions or criticisms or long ones, and KatariReveiws had all three! **

**Because I can't directly respond to you, I'll just put my response here, if you don't mind: Thanks! Thanks! Thanks! I would continue, but I don't want this to be too long. Although, I should mention that the only reason I have managed to grasp Homestuck so thouroghly is because I obsessively read and re-read Homestuck twice (I'm currently halfway through the third time, actually), not because of any real literary analytic talents. As for your suggestion about the trolls' horns, that is a brilliant idea. I probably would've thought something along the lines of 'Each of the trolls have individualized horns, so I should do that for the humans' which is why Rose has needle-horns and Dave has the scratch horns and John... Actually, I ran out ideas there. But still, I would've thought that since the trolls have unique horns, so should the humans... but then I would realize that the trolls' horns are based off their ancestors' horns, and they're patron trolls in a way too... But then again, the idea never struck me in the first place, so none of that thinking process even began. I think I might do that. Eventually. As for the comments on grammar, yeah, I'm wincing just looking at these. I'll get around to fixing them. But this really has gone on to long and I might be boring the other readers, so goodbye! Thanks again! **

* * *

Jane paced back and forth. It was the next day, and she'd woken up especially early as to ensure that she would have plenty of time to think. She wasn't sure if she wanted to go to school the next day; it'll either be excruciatingly painful, or a welcoming distraction. Either way, for sure she would have to say hi to John, who cheerfully said 'hello' to her every day as though he did all his life.

Fuck John and his stupid inability to cope.

All that aside, she wanted... Shit. She didn't know what she wanted.

She paced faster. What should she do? What should she do?

She heard a soft knock on her door.

Sighing, she then got ready for school.

...

Karkat wanted nothing to do with the fucking lusus-dad thing. Unfortunately, he offered dinner. If there was one thing that could convince Karkat right now, it would be to offer him food. But even still, he almost declined just because he was sick to fucking death of Egbert.

But Terezi elbowed him in the ribs with enough force that he couldn't get enough air to answer.

"We would _love_ to eat your dinner."

"Fuck... You..." Was all Karkat managed to wheeze out, but no one heard.

Karkat and Terezi ate like ravenous animals. Terezi kept asking for, and Karkat grumpily accepted anything offered to him. Truthfully, Karkat thought it all tasted like crap and it all had a weird texture. Except for the mashed potatoes Those were perfect. Peeeeerrfect.

Dad was going to ask more questions during dinner, but seeing how those two were eating, he felt as though he should limit everything to small talk. He only got answers from John though; Karmap wouldn't answer him at all, and the other girl Tereki would only laugh in a mischievous way.

When the food stopped coming, Karkat sighed and set down his fork (or was it a knife? Some human utensil that Rose told him about).

Dad noted this and leaned forward, preparing for the interrogation. He opened his mouth, but by then Terezi was already unconscious and Karkat's lids were drooping to the point of no return.

He sighed and put the two of them in the guest room.

When he sat down, he turned instead to John who was squirming slightly in his seat.

"So, who are those two, really. I know you lied before when you said that they were helping you in the 'school play'."

John sighed. He knew this was coming. "Rose told you; they were victims of that gang. They were sent to recruit us."

Dad raised an eyebrow. "How did you know them beforehand?"

"Uh, new recruits are supposed to get to know the, uh messengers. Before. The recruiting thing." Not his most coherent sentence.

Dad could believe this. They fit the part of gang members, those two kids. The whole situation was fishy enough to fit. And yet...

"What was with the weird makeup?"

"It was a... Ritual. For recruitment." Oh, my, god, John could not believe he just said that.

"And what's with those pajamas?"

John looked down in surprise. He'd almost forgotten about them. "Oh, um, I don't know."

Dad nodded. John sounded sincere, but something sounded like he was withholding information. And if John wouldn't tell him something, that usually meant that no matter what he did he wouldn't find out.

Dad knows because he's tried before.

...

Karkat woke up face to face with Terezi. This wasn't unusual; they slept like this all the time. What was unusual was that she was a human.

He remembered everything.

"Fuck!" He yelled, sitting up.

"Helluva way to wake up." Terezi mumbled turning on her side.

"We're humans! In a human house!"

"In John's."

"_In John's house_!"

"That sums it up. Can you close the window? The sun is right in my face."

Karkat blinked and slid out of bed, still sleepy despite the jolted wakening.

Terezi mumbled something akin to a thank you and promptly fell back asleep.

Karkat almost considered going back to sleep, but then there was a knock on the door.

"Karkat, the door-"

"I know! I heard it too, Terezi!"

He opened the door.

"John just left for school," Dad said, "And I have some questions for you."

...

Much to Jane's delight, John didn't say hello to her that day. He walked right past her, straight-faced and serious.

...

Sollux could not, _could_ not fucking believe that this was happening. He'd almost adjusted to life as it was, but now they were humans in a humanic house. Humanic? Humanish? Whatever. Point is, it's human. Not Troll.

He wasn't quite sure, but he thought that it was Rose's. That was okay, Rose was already a pretty cool person. He didn't mind Kanaya either, although he wasn't entirely sure if it was her. Aradia guided him to a seat of some sort to sit on, and then vanished.

So Sollux sat alone, pathetic and blind on this chair as a human in a human house. Stupid goddamn lousy Blind Prophet of Doom shit.

He leaned back and closed his eyes, though it made no difference whether they were open or not. He just did it to remember the feeling of relief it used to give him.

He heard some commotion in the corner of the room. Whoever they were (hintKanayaRosehint) they didn't know that Sollux was there, and it sounded like they were saying some pretty intimate things. Fuck.

He tuned it out, and to his relief they eventually stopped. But then he realized by the softer noises they made that they had stopped talking to do some making out. Motherfuck.

Sollux continued tuning them out.

...

Jake didn't know what to do. He'd sat in the corner of the room, unnoticed as Rose tried to make up an excuse and guardians stood angrily in front of the door, blocking all escapes until everyone left. He filed out silently behind them, and no one noticed him.

He stopped once outside and watched them walk away. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to know what to do.

He considered for a moment chasing down Roxy and Dirk, but he thought that they probably wouldn't want to see him, as he had been kind of a douche to them.

He thought maybe of staying with Mr. Egbert or the Lalondes, but he didn't know them well enough. Jane was absolutely out of the question. He'd harassed her enough for a lifetime.

Not knowing what to do, he wandered drunkenly off.

...

The girl with short white hair that curled in waves and a green suite ran up to grab Roxy by the shoulder.

"Roxy!" She exclaimed in a British accent.

Roxy turned, then blinked as though she didn't believe what she was seeing.

"Calliope?"

* * *

**And on that note we end the chapter**

**PSYCHE!**

**I know, it would've been a great place to end the chapter, but I don't want to cheat you out of your next thousand or so words. **

* * *

"Calliope?"

"Yes, it's me! And Dirk! And... Bro?" She asked, looking at the older Strider. She shrugged and turned back to face everyone. "Well anyways, hello! I have so much to talk to you about!"

Roxy hugged her, and then pulled Dirk into the hug because, well, he should be.

Bro stood awkwardly watching with Dave, neither of which knew the girl very well (the former not knowing her at all). He leaned over to Dave and asked, "And she is?"

"Oh, Uh, she's Roxy's friend. And Dirk's. She's both of their friends." Dave said intelligently.

Bro didn't respond, he merely dipped his head in the most minute of motions that could either mean approval, disapproval, understanding, or possibly just acknowledgement of some inscrutable reasoning he didn't feel like sharing.

Dave bit his lip.

Shit. He knows.

...

When John came home from school, he was greeted by a blissfully quiet house.

Karkat and Terezi were still asleep. They both were more accustomed to being awake during the night than the day, and on top of that they were bone deep exhausted from... Well, everything. To be more specific, the past four months.

Dad was still at work. Whatever work that was.

John smiled at his solitude and plopped down on the couch. He reached for the remote to turn on the TV, but the remote was across the room on top of the TV. Naturally.

He sighed, and the sigh swooped around the room and nudged the remote every so slightly.

He jumped, slightly startled. _Oh yeah, I have wind powers,_ he thought.

He smiled.

Reaching his hand out, he concentrated and felt the wind held always at bay by his willpower alone stretch and flex like some giant, unanimous muscle.

The remote flew over to him.

Much to excited for TV now, he turned to the lamp on the coffee table beside the couch. Slowly at first, then faster, he made the shade spin in circles. He then expanded this phenomena to the other lamps so that they were all swirling and spinning around. Laughing, he made everything in the room fly, the couch, the trinkets scattered around the room, all the forgotten bits of food and clothing unearthed and sent soaring.

However, the lampshades stopped spinning when he made them fly. When he tried again, he forgot to keep them floating, and they plummeted.

"Waaaaoooh!" He yelled, swooping and grabbing them.

Apparently to keep them spinning, it took the same kind of multitasking talent as the rub-your-belly-pat-your-head thinking (something John'd never been able to do).

But even despite this, he still laughed, flying in the middle of a floating living room clutching three lamps.

The door swung open. "John, you wouldn't answer the door! Jesus, are you-" The boy that walked in froze, his eyes as wide as saucers as he took in the scene before him. "Deaf?" He squeaked out.

"Aah!" John let out a little yelp and let everything back down as fast as he could. "L-L-Lyon, what are you doing he-here?" John stuttered.

"You... Lamp... Fly... Blue?"

"Um, Er, um..." Really, John ought to have been awarded for that outstanding comment of genius and coherency.

"You can _fly_?"

"Um, well, kinda, well, there's a, Uh, reason-"

A smile broke out on the boy's face. "That's so cool! Wow! Why didn't you tell me before? I mean we've been friends for seven years and I've never known you could /fly/."

"Seven years? Oh, right." Sonetimes John forgot that people think he'd lived their all his life rather than just a few months. "Well, um, I didn't want to, you know..."

"You can make other things fly too! That's so cool! Can you make me fly?"

"Uh, well yeah, um, but-"

"Are you like a superhero or something? Do you fight crime?"

"He's a motherfucking god. He doesn't 'fight crime'. That's a stupid human idea that mutants fight the 'bad guy's which was always a retarded idea. I mean, what about if a 'bad guy' just _seemed_ bad, but had honest intentions or something? Humans are so fucking linear, it's pathetic."

John and Lyon whirled around.

"Karkat! You're awake!" John choked out.

Karkat yawned and ran his fingers through his hair. "Not for long. I only got up because the commotion woke us up, you inconsiderate fucktards."

"Why... Who are you?"

"And who the fuck are you?"

"Karkat, be nice. This is my friend Lyon." John tried to give hi. A look that said _don't-say-anything-else-weird-or-suspicious-soundi ng_, but he wasn't sure if Karkat caught it.

"What did you mean, John is a god?"

"God tier, did he never tell you?"

"Um, no?" The boy looked at John questioningly, but John was still desperately still trying to convey his message to Karkat.

"Sounds like that'll be quite the story! Why don't you two go grab a grubloaf and a blanket and get cozy up somewhere to discuss it and leave Terezi the fuck alone? You know everytime she wakes up, the first thing she does is smack me in the face and growl at me to be quiet?"

"I, Uh, Terezi?"

"The other troll-turned-human."

"You- I, um, Troll?"

"The name of my fucking species."

"I..." He looked hopelessly at John, who looked searingly at Karkat.

"Karkat!"

"What?"

"Why did you tell him all that?"

"Why shouldn't he fucking know? He's your 'friend', right?"

"No! Karkat! No one is supposed to know!"

"And why the fuck not?"

John stopped. He didn't have a response to that. Why not? He'd never told anyone because... Because...

"Tell me what?" Lyon demanded. His smile was gone. Unusually serious, he looked at John with worry. "What haven't you told me?"

John inhaled deeply.

He closed his eyes, and imps with their oily trails ran across his vision, clowns and monsters and salamanders and flying and Jack and hammers and blood stained swords, blood that ran from his dad and from himself and from Rose, blood from Jade and dead Daves everywhere, and a clouded vision from the center of Skaia on a planet made to be a battlefield, created for death and warfare that was to grow another universe but couldn't, was stopped up with a cancerous growth...

He let the breath go, and the room seemed to come alive with his breath, the breath he was the Heir to. The Heir of Breath.

"This is gonna be a long story."

"I'll get the mucus for the grubloaf." Karkat muttered and stumbled to the bedroom.

* * *

**Karkat needs to learn some tact.**

**Anyways, in case some of you were wondering how both John and Dave got to Rose's school by driving even though they're all in different states, the answer is shut up. Shut up is why.**

**But seriously, please please ****_please_**** tell me if you notice any giant, gaping plot holes like that. For now (until I feel like fixing it properly), I will file any weirdness under the category of 'its an alternate universe there are some differences', just like how humans look different in this universe (remember that?) and how in the Alpha station's universe there were herds of Tinkerbulls on Jake's island. I've always wondered about that.**

**I was hoping for the Calliope encounter to go a bit longer and more smoothly, but oh well. Wait for the next chapter, I guess.**

**One last word before I go: CHAPTERS WILL NOT, NOR WILL EVER (probably) COME OUT REGULARLY IN A REGULAR FASHION. IN FACT, ALL THESE RAPID FIRE UPDATES WILL DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY AND BE REPLACED BY SLOW FIRE UPDATES. I've been neglecting too much stuff in favor of this story. Trust me, if I could, I would just sit around all day writing obscene amounts of chapters in even more obscene amounts of time. But I can't, school beckons. As well as food and water, although less in a much less hostile manner. *Deep sigh...***


	6. Chapter 6

**Ooh boy, terrible writers block. I'm sorry this chapter might not be all that up to scratch...**

***EDIT* Sorry sorry, I forgot to italicize this chapter, but it's fixed now**

* * *

Since the conversation that is now taking place between John and one of his 'new human friends' is not of in any way an interest to you, I'm sure, so let's catch up on... How about Aradia? We haven't heard from her in a while.

...

Aradia had asked Rose for some food, and she happily complied, yelling at Mom to clean out the Counter in the Kitchen, which was a special place in the human house for making food.

She'd sat with the tray on her lap, promising herself that she would not start eating until Sollux was awake. But it became harder and harder as the minutes ticked by and the growling in her stomach became more fervent, so she began eating nonetheless. She didn't even taste the food, but even so it was delicious just because it was something to eat. It was only when the tray was half gone that she decided to wake Sollux up.

Aradia shook Sollux in the shoulder. "Sollux! Sollux! Wake up!"

He'd fallen asleep to blissful unreality for a change, and wasn't happy. "Fuck youuuuuu..." He mumbled turning on his side.

"Sollux!" She shook him more fervently.

"Okay, okay, jegus." He sat up, only half opening his eyes

"Food!"

"That's why you woke me up?"

"I was going to eat it all otherwise."

"Like I give a flying fuck." He mumbled, sinking back onto the couch cushions. His eyes were just starting to droop when he noticed a third person in the room, blinking confusedly, and there was a slight twinge in his gut.

He frowned, then moved back up. The twinge traveled up his spine to his head, making him dizzy and confused. "What the-?"

But then the pain hit him in full force. He fell onto the couch and convulsed, his body on fire.

...

"So, you played a game where you died and came back to life with god powers?" Lyon asked.

John nodded.

"That's not a very long story. How did you die? How did you come back to life? What game /was/ this?"

"Um, the game was called, c-called..."

"Called?"

"S, ssss..."

"S something?"

"S, s, Slime."

"Thats a weird name for a game."

John had a strange smile on his face. Lyon knew that smile meant to back off and stop talking. He felt like he saw that smile too much.

Lyon took a breath and bit his lip for a minute. "If you were in this... Game for three years, then... Who was here in your place during that time?" He asked haltingly, as though he didn't want to know the answer.

John looked at the ground. He didn't want to answer.

"Please, just tell me."

John sighed and took a deep breath. "I've never-"

Terezi slammed open the bedroom door. "John where is a computer?"

"Huh? Who? What?" Lyon was kind of tired of being confused.

"Terezi, what's wrong?" John asked.

"Just answer the question!" She demanded.

"There's one in my room. But what do you need it-"

He didn't finish because she'd already ran upstairs.

Karkat stumbled out of the room, looking half-awake and haggard. "Where'd-?"

"My room. Something about a computer?"

He gave a nod and dashed up the stairs.

John put his head in his hands. "Fuck."

Lyon patted his back awkwardly, not sure who this person was, god or kid or friend or stranger, but recognizing that he needed a pat nonetheless.

...

"How are you- How are you... Here?" Roxy asked Calliope, when they finally managed to get some time alone with her.

"What do you mean? I walked here."

"No, she wants to know why you're not... Why you're alive." Dirk responded for Roxy.

"Oh! That! I don't really know myself, but I know that the Gods of the Furthest Ring are bringing players back from the dead for a little while. Well, only players that relate to the ones on this planet, you guys and John and Terezi and Rose and all them."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"Do you know why you're human?"

She shook her head. "Not really. But I sure can tell you that it hurt like hell to turn into one!"

"It didn't hurt us when we turned troll." Dirk said.

"You turned troll?"

Dirk and Roxy both explained both the troll phenomenon and the meeting with the weird pale man.

"Oh, that makes sense. You were all asleep when you turned into trolls, and your First Guardian probably prevented you from feeling pain!"

"What first guardian?"

"The pale man; who else did you think he was? But then again, that kind of power seems like it's too much for just a First Guardian..."

"What was it supposed to feel like?" Roxy asked, scooting closer to Calliope.

"Well, first it kind of felt like a weird yanking in my gut and I got dizzy, but then there was just this pain! It was horrible! And then..."

...

The pain. The horrible pain. Sollux was covered and filled with horrible pain. He gasped out something like, "What is this? What's happening? Oh fuck, it hurts!"

Aradia was panicked. "It's, it's okay, I think this is a human thing, a..." She wracked her brain for what Rose told her. "A period! Rose told me about it!"

Sollux shuddered as a new wave of pain hit him. "How does it stop?!"

"Umm, I think it just goes away after a few days... ROSE!" She yelled, desperate. "KANAYA! SOMEONE!"

Mom heard the yelling, both of Aradia and Sollux and ran downstairs. "What is it?" She said.

At that moment, Sollux coughed, a terrible, terrible sound, wet and choked. Blood dribbled down his chin.

Mom leaped into action, sprinting down to Sollux and grabbing a towel. "What happened?"

"Um, I think he's just g-getting a human Period. Rose said something about bleeding-"

She faltered, seeing Mom's incredulous look.

Mom turned back to Sollux, who now had blood streaming freely from his nose. "This isn't normal. This isn't normal at all."

...

"I think you get the pain because your body is literally dying and being reborn at once! After that though, I started bleeding, from every orifice. I don't remember much after that part, but I remember feeling paralyzed..."

...

Sollux's eyes were half open, and streaming blood. His head lolled, and he didn't move.

Rose and Kanaya had joined the frenzy around him, and worked as errand girls, running to get napkins and towels and water and bowls and whatnot. Mom kept a steady questioning, asking Aradia about anything, everything, and Aradia became more and more frazzled with each question and the less Sollux responded, and she wasn't sure, but she thinks that at some point she called John's house and frantically left a message.

Finally, Sollux's eyes closed entirely, and he heaved a huge shudder.

Everyone froze, terrified.

He sat paralyzed, almost peaceful looking, as his skin thickened and turned gray. His hair grew darker and coarser, and four horns rose from his head with another burst of blood, but blood that was a green-yellow mustard color.

Mom's eyes widened, but she didn't back away. She tenderly wiped all the blood away with a damp towel, then stepped back slightly to give him room.

Sollux opened his eyes, then winced slightly. One eye was pure black, and the other was white. "Holy fuck, I can see."

He blinked a few times. He tried to turn to look at Aradia beside him, but the slight movement sent spasms of pain through his weakened body.

"Ow. Oh fuck."

"Sollux! You're okay!" Aradia hugged him.

"Ow! Goddammit Aradia."

"Sorry..."

Kanaya let out a shaky breath, one that she'd been holding the entire time.

"You're okay." she said. "You're okay."

When the brief moment of relief was over, the kids remembered moment and slowly turned to look at her.

No one said anything.

Mom walked up to the couch, and gently touched Sollux's cheek. She pulled her hand back, and smiled sadly. "Of course you're not human. You thought that you were having a period."

...

Jake was lost. He didn't have anywhere to go, and there was nowhere he wanted to go anyways. He asked for home, but his home was from a universe long dead. He asked for a friend, but he had none. He was stupid and lost all of them. So he kept walking through the dark streets, the poorly lit nights, the gloominess of dawn. On the point of collapse, he fell against the wall in some alley that smelled like piss. Smiling slightly, he knew he'd found a new home, a new friend. The rocks on the ground cut into his cheeks, and as he bled he cried until the darkness came swirling up from the ground and the sky and he fell into a death-like sleep.

...

Jade just wanted some time alone, is that too much to ask for? She was tired of playing make-believe that she was okay, that the strange empty pocket in her memory didn't bug her. She just wanted to be alone.

Jake was fine, she was sure. She knew that no matter how annoying he could be sometimes, no one would turn him away if he needed to stay with them. He was a good kid, after all.

But she still felt bad. _Really_ bad. She hoped that Jake was okay, really, it was just... Arrrgh. She just wanted to be alone.

It was kind of funny how she had never noticed how big and empty the house was without Beq or Grandpa in it. Actually, no it wasn't funny, it was sad.

Jade grabbed a pillow off her bed and curled up, waiting for the inevitable sleep that always waited in the wings of her consciousness, pouncing suddenly and unexpectedly. But not now. Not today, not when she clutched a pillow and tears ran from her eyes, not when she forever saw Dave lying on the ground, riddled with bullet wounds from her gun, not when she felt over and over that twist as her control slipped from her grasp and she became another person whose actions were alien to her, but her feelings lingered. Anguish. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Ruthlessness.

Not when she needed sleep the most.

...

Jane took a deep breath as she contemplated the phone that laid in her hand. The number was dialed already, and all she had to do was press "call". Dad stood beside her, reminding her again that she didn't have to do this.

"I want to. It will be good for me, I think." She'd said this enough that she almost believed it.

She pressed the button, and held the phone to her ear.

The phone rang again and again, one, two, five, eight-

"Hello?" A man picked up the phone.

She took a deep breath. "M-Mr. Egbert?"

"Yes?"

"I wa- I want to talk to you and your s-son."

"Who is this?"

"Thi-this is Jane Crocker."

"Why do you want to talk to us?"

"I have... I have some things to say, and I th-think John does too."

There was a silence at the other end. "When and where do you want to meet up?"

...

Terezi logged onto Trollian and contacted Sollux as fast as she could.

-**gallowsCalibrator** began pestering **twinArmeddegons**-  
**GC:** SOLLUX!  
**GC:** 4R3 YOU OK4Y?!  
**GC:** 1 JUST GOT 4 W31RD M3SS4G3 FROM 4R4D14  
**GC:** SH3 S41D YOU W3R3 DY1NG!  
**TA:** calm down im 0kay  
**TA:** aa was freaking out i kn0w  
**TA:** but it's all better now  
**GC:** WHY 4R3 YOU TYP1NG L1K3 TH4T?  
**TA:** ...  
**TA:** 0kay this is going t0 be hard to explain  
**TA:** 0r not  
**TA:** im a tr0ll again  
**GC:** WH4T?  
**GC:** HOW?!  
**TA:** yeah we dont kn0w what happened really  
**TA:** but apparently my ghost half came back t0 life and merged with me and it made me a troll again  
**TA:** g0g i cant believe i said that in all seriousness  
**GC:** HOW D1D H3 COM3 B4CK TO L1F3?  
**TA:** h0w should i kn0w  
**GC:** WHY 4R3 YOU 4 TROLL?  
**TA:** i said already WE DONT KN0W  
**GC:** OK4Y OK4Y  
**GC:** GRUMPY  
**GC:** (right here there should be Terezi's horns, but the dumb thing isn't gonna let me use that symbol, so here's the rest of the face. Sorry) :[

She sighed and leaned back.

"Is he okay? What happened?" Karkat asked.

"He turned back into a troll and merged with his newly reincarnated ghost half."

"... I really cannot believe you just fucking said that, and I understood it."

Crisis averted, she tromped back downstairs with the intention of finding more food.

"John, do you have more of that mashed sauce from last night?" She asked.

John at that moment was curled up on the couch being awkwardly comforted by Lyon, who started at Terezi's approach.

John closed his eyes and sat up. He set his shoulders and fixed that strange smile on his face. "You mean the mashed potatoes? Yeah we have some; I'll heat it up for you."

He stood up and walked to the refrigerator to prepare the food, eventually drawing Karkat out to join them.

Lyon took his cue and left, but promised himself to immediately find John the next day at school.

...

The tall, bone-thin boy contemplated the heap of a child lying in a mess on the ground in some alley. His cheekbones jutted out sharply and his skinny limbs that hung limply down his sides held no hint of flesh. He looked like a corpse.

Except his eyes. His eyes were red and wide open, wild and more than slightly deranged. They were the eyes of a person who had seen things they shouldn't have, done things they shouldn't have.

The eyes of Gamzee Makara.

Gamzee contemplated the heap of Jake English who lay in a mess on the ground in some alley.

* * *

**Drama.**

**Alright, I apologize for putting off Gamzee's appearance and leaving you only with a vague teaser.**

**Jesus, English and Harley need to pull themselves together, little drama queens...**

**Oh and I'd appreciate suggestions! I'm in a desperate stump; I didn't expect to be getting this far this fast. As of this this chapter, I have no idea what will happen. Seriously. Well... I have a sketchy outline, but I don't know the immediate direction. So I will be implementing a SUGGESTION BOX. If you have any ideas, take control of the story, and review! **

**Parting thought to contemplate until the next chapter: Why is Gamzee staring at Jake like a creep? What will happen at each of the kids' schools? What will happen with the trolls? Will they awkwardly hang around the house under the watchful eyes of the guardians, or will they destroy the neighborhood after being left alone for eight hours? Does the author even know? What does this say about the author if she doesn't know?**

**Stick around for the next time for a satisfyingly coherent and delightfully flowing chapter full of tension, laughs, and suspense.**

**Or you could read chapter 7 of this story.**


	7. APOLOGETIC FILLER

**Ahhh my poor readers! I'm so incredibly sorry! This next chapter is taking a long (loooooooooooooooong) time to finish, I am so incredibly sorry. I haven't been here in so long that they forgot my password (sweat drip). Well, I wish I could offer you the next chapter, but it's not done. Instead how about this filler? I've got two throw away chapters and a few other odds and ends here... I hope this makes up for the hiatus.**

* * *

**This is where Karkat finds Terezi after being on Earth for a while.**

Karkat adjusted his hat so that it covered more of his face. He hoped no one would look closer. He shoved his hands further into the pocket of his smelly sweatshirt. It was quite a prize; he'd found it on the sidewalk somewhere and it looked warm. Besides, it covered his hands: that was essential.

He let the crowd push him around. He didn't know where they were going, but it didn't really matter.

The crowd slowed down, and Karkat heard the rustling and the clinking of coins.

Shit. Was there a toll or something? Why was Earth so damn expensive?

But no, they were just throwing coins into a rusted can that sat beside a girl with the sign "Blind w/ skin condition. Money please." the strange thing about the sign was that it was written in leetspeak, and the girl... The girl...

"Terezi?"

She turned her head slightly, as though not believing what she heard.

"Terezi!" Karkat shoved his way through the crowd, stepping on feet and knocking people over with out apologizing.

She lifted her head up and smiled, a full, beautiful smile that caught the light on every tooth, throwing each into sharp relief.

(**Geddit? Geddit? ****_sharp_****? Cause she has ****_sharp_**** teeth? Eheheh, I crack myself up**)

Unfortunately it scared off the human crowd. Wait, did I say unfortunately? I meant fortunately.

Karkat crouched in front of her. "Terezi! You're okay!"

"Karkat! Your not a sobbing mess in the corner!"

"What the fuck. I actually did miss you. And you ruined it."

She pinched his cheek. "I was teasing you! I knew you'd be okay because you're the 'strong and powerful leader'!"

"Shut up."

She laughed before grabbing him and pulling him into a hug.

...

**Alright, that was sweet. Now here's the conversation between Dirk and Roxy while on the bus on their way to the first guardian at Rose's school.**

The third and fourth person Dirk could tolerate. It was the fifth when his eye began to twitch.

After the seventh person had gotten up and asked him what the deal was with the costume, Dirk leaned over to Roxy.

"What do you have in the bottle?"

She hiccuped. "Gartoraid. Oops, Gatoraide. Fuck, Gatorade."

Dirk raised his eyebrows.

"What, its not leik you want a drikn- a drink."

"Roxy..."

"Oh my jegus you _do_ wnat a drink! Hahshajskzkzkzha, thats so funny!"

"Roxy, please."

"You were diggin into me aaaaalalll that time fro drinkig, and now you want a sop. Sip. Youre such a hypocritte." She laughed.

"Roxy just give me the goddamn bottle

...

**So, enjoying the filler so far? I most certainly am. I loved writing these scenes, but I never got a chance to use them... Until now that is! Well now we'll move onto profiles and facts and stuff I haven't mentioned but you may like to know anyways.**

...

**Headcanons:**

**This part could actually pretty much be a novel, but I'll stick with the stuff that applies to this story and, well, the things I actually like.**

_Sollux and Karkat headcanon:_

Sollux wasn't always friends with Karkat. They just... kinda knew people who knew people who knew them. Sometimes, they would play games together, but never one on one, always with a big group. It always took a lot of convincing to get Karkat to join one anyways.

But then Aradia died. And Sollux was messed the fuck up. That's when he began to hate himself, but not how we know he does now; he hated himself in that he _actually wanted to kill himself._ And he wanted to do it the same way Aradia went.

But his powers were messed up. They didn't work so well now. Soon, his desire grew into a complex, a fixation... He couldn't pick up a damn pencil with his powers anymore, but he was going to change that.

In his fixation, he neglected the most recent game the group would play. And it just so happens, that in neglecting the game, he forgot to send Karkat the pirated copy he'd been sending to everyone, and of course Karkat got pissed off and stormed to his house in a rage after Sollux refused to answer all of his messages and hassling.

And he found Sollux beat up and smoldering with red and blue smoke.

That's when he and Sollux became friends. He taught Sollux to vent his anger at Karkat, and he taught Sollux to love himself.

Every troll should be their own Moirail? Wrong. Some were their own Kismesis.

They're best friends now, acting almost unconsciously as each others auspistice and loving hating themselves and knowing they will never die from that.

**I'm sorry. I really am. I'm so sorry.**

**...**

**On to lighter topics! An explanation of my ships and how they appear in this story!**

**Karkezi (Karkat and Terezi):** Man, this ship gets a lot of hate, even though they are cuties. But still, I hold firm the best of besties pale friends could get. In other words, Terezi and Karkat are pretty much almost moirails they have such a close relationship. Seriously though, Terezi needs some love right about now; she's bein' beat up by her abusive boyfriend! Jeez, the poor baby...

**JohnKat (John and Karkat):** Obviously flushing red for each other :D Okay, but seriously, no, they have a mutual platonic friendship that could easily teeter on into- I'm not going to finish that. This is supposed to be serious. Get it together Petty! **You get it together, you're the one writing! **Auuugh I didn't need an answer! **Sorry. **_Anyways, _to keep this from receding into babble as I am prone to do, I like to think that Karkat is kinda the universal moirail. He's just the guy you go to with problems.

**DaveKat (Dave and Karkat):** See above. Yes, all of it.

**Sollia (Sollux and Aradia):** They used to be matesprits, yes, but, well, things 're still very close friends, and if there's a problem they're likely to turn to each other... unless the problem concerns the other. Aradia isn't very fully emotionally developed, probably an aftershock of being dead, so sometimes she doesn't register if something's morally wrong. In other words, a bit of a sociopath. Sollux is likely to turn inwards with his problems, and it always takes a lot of coaxing to get them out.

**Kanrose (Kanaya and Rose):** Sweeties all around. 'Nuff said.

**HAMMERTIME! (John and Dave):** As much as I want to, I am afraid I must have to leave this ship out as much as possible. I know this because otherwise I'll just end up writing a bunch of smut.

**Stridercest and the Lalonde reciprocal:** See above

**Dirk and Roxy:** Not romantically involved, nor will ever be (most likely at least), but I feel I should mention them because I want to express their relationship with the others: alienated. They're like the trolls a bit (although they do have a home) in that they have no idea where the fuck they are or who these people are. And while the trolls would shoulder the hurt and focus solely on survival, these two don't need to worry about survival. All they have is an endless supply of various inebriating liquids.

**Erisol (Eridan and Sollux):** I know they're no relevant yet because Eridan is dead (so far, wonk wonk), but I just wanted to ask all you readers out there if you've read any good fanfics. I've been in the mood lately. Actually, any gooey romantic Homestuck fanfic would work.

So, I know I'm leaving a lot of ships out, but just assume that they're irrelevant or I just forgot.

* * *

**Have a question? Send me a PM or ask in a review!**

**Tortured by my complete inability to keep any kind of deadline? You could look for Petty on for some of my original work and poetry, but I doubt anyone would want to go through that kind of effort. It would be appreciated though! But be warned, a lot of that stuff is very old and badly written. And by old, I mean I wrote it in, like, sixth grade. **

**Wanna tell me how awesome I am? Review!**

**Wanna tell me how terrible I am? Review!**

**Wanna just say "ur ok" in a brief, grammatical trainwreck? Review!**

**Wanna put your thumbprint in the story by suggesting ideas? ****_PLEASE _****review! I'm begging you. Honestly.**

**And before I sign off, I have a treat for you! This is a SHORT SECTION PREVIEW FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!**

* * *

Lunch detention. Two of the most beautiful words Dave has ever heard. He won't have to find somewhere to sit at lunch, nor will he have to talk to people or have people talk to him. Nothing but blissful silence.

Passing period on the other hand, was painful. People stopped to turn and look at him, calling out to him like they were friends and asking for a reenactment of the PE incident. Stupid lousy goddamn temper. Got in the way of rational decisions.

* * *

**And wow that was a lot shorter than I thought. Sorry! Well, I hope that even though this was a piss-poor apology for having a chapter take a month, I hope you enjoyed it anyways. **

**I did. **

**As always, your humbled author,**

**Petty**


	8. Chapter 7

**If I had my shit together, I probably could've made a special Halloween chapter. If I wasn't unbearably lazy, then I could've at least published this on Halloween so I could say "happy Halloween", but, well... Things happen.**

**Lotsa Dave in this chapter. That was unintentional, I try to juggle between all the characters as much as possible, but oh well.**

* * *

John stood frozen at the entrance to school. What the _hell_ was he doing there? That's not where he was supposed to be. And why was he alone? Jade should be here. Dave should be here. So should Rose. And Karkat. Kanaya and Sollux and Aradia and Terezi at the very fucking least. Why was he alone in front here? What was _wrong_ with him? Why the _fuck_ did he ever think this would be good for him?

He couldn't breathe. His eyes were fixed on a point in the distance, but saw nothing but horror and blood. His heart pounded, and his mind swirled-

"Early morning space out?" A girl asked him, putting her hand on his shoulder.

John started, making her laugh. He smiled sheepishly. "Hi Grace."

"I swear, I see you here every morning. But you should really get to class; the bell rang three minutes ago."

"Oh shit!"

She laughed again and turned away, calling over her shoulder, "See you at lunch John."

John swallowed heavily and hurried off to his first period.

The morning was long and agonizing. He couldn't pay attention to the droning of his teachers, not even the ones he normally liked. All he could think about was yesterday, it's strangeness, the faces of his closest friends he hadn't seen for months. Compared to that this... _normalcy_ was obscene. He couldn't take it. None of these people would understand; none of them _could_ understand. As much as the game was awful, John was only realizing that normal life was a thousand times worse.

No one seemed to notice how removed John felt. A normally talkative student, he sat silently through his classes, not once raising his hand. Even though he felt uprooted and stretched and weird, school still moved like clockwork. First, second, nutrition, third, fourth, lunch.

He wandered in a daze to where he ate lunch every day. He sat clumsily on the ground, staring at his hands and not bothering to open his lunch bag. His friends all flocked around him like fish to food, and they laughed and talked around him, throwing words at him without waiting for a response. He saw everything as though from far away, and suddenly realized the meaninglessness of their shallow prattle.

"John? Hello, John?" A boy named Evan waved his hand at John.

"Oh, sorry, what?" John responded, forcing himself out of his stupor. He affixed a smile so that he wouldn't seem upset or anything. Even though he kinda was.

"I just asked if you were feeling better."

"From what?"

"Weren't you sick yesterday?"

"What?"

"You didn't come to school."

The day flashed through his mind like a guilty secret. "Oh, yeah, I feel much better now." Lies.

"Well that's good; but you seem kinda tired, maybe you should go to bed early tonight."

"Yeah..."

Lunch ended and before he knew it he was in fifth, sixth, standing in front of his locker after school, staring at the handle as though it were a foreign thing.

"John?"

He jumped, then turned around.

"Um, I just wanted to ask you of you were okay."

It was Lyon. And god_damn_ had Egbert been hard to track down that day. After all, Lyon wasn't the school friend. Sure they went to the same school, but his purpose was served as a next door neighbor friend. He had no friggin' idea where John went during school hours.

John shook himself mentally. He had to act happy and well adjusted. Just tired. "Oh, yeah I'm-" He couldn't finish it. He was left stuttering over 'I'm' like a broken record.

Shit. Fuck. That's not what Lyon thought would happen. "Ah, you don't have to answer... If, um..."

Tears welled in John's eyes. He couldn't take another second of standing here with this... Stranger.

He ran away.

He ran to the front of the school where Karkat stood awkwardly and grabbed him, breaking into a sob that he cried out on Karkat's shoulder.

...

Dave hated school. He motherfucking _hated_ it. And that's not just a bullshit teenage angst thing; he really truly just hated the fuck out of school. The teachers, the students, the bells and the stupid school spirit assemblies.

Everything. Everything was horrible.

He sighed and shifted his backpack slightly, looking up at the monstrous thing before screwing up his courage and entering. It was worse than he'd prepared for.

Classes were agonizingly slow.

In first period History, the teacher prattled on about some ancient war between the Fucktards and the Asswipes, or whatever they were called. Dave sat uncomfortably, irritability and anger sliding around in his chest, their prickly skin rubbing against his heart. The teacher asked him who the Assyrians were.

"Like I give a fuck."

"Excuse me?"

"I said 'like I give a fuck'."

The teacher eyed him sternly. "You'll serve detention here at lunch. Now, Premila M., could you answer...?"

Third period PE wasn't much better.

"Strider! Come to the front of the class and demonstrate a push up."

He heard someone laugh, and another person mutter something. He was notorious for being the class fuck up, for being the slowest and the least coordinated. In actuality, he was probably the opposite of those things, but being terrible ensured that you wouldn't get caught up in all the politics o the better students.

However, for whatever reason, it grated on his nerves that day. He came to the front and snarled, "How many do I have to do?"

"For that attitude, you're gonna do as many as you can until you drop."

He got in the position, and feeling the strength in his arms that came from swinging an insanely heavy katana day in and day fucking out, the anger in his heart that came from massive douchebags who act superior to a GOD, he began.

A half hour later the class was chanting. "132! 133! 134!"

The teacher had finally gotten over her shock only to reenter it with every five more he did.

Dave's face was purple and streamed sweat. He knew he would pay for this big time for the next week, but if it meant he could wipe the smug grins off those kids, he would do it. He would do _anything_.

The bell rang, and he fell on the ground to the applause of the crowd of kids that joined to watch.

"138 pushups." The teacher said. "Strider, what happened? Yesterday you did five pull ups!"

"Has it... Ever occurred... To you that... I might've... Been... Faking?" He gasped out.

...

Dad got a weird call from a girl who said she wanted to talk to John, so naturally he sent out Karkat to get him.

Why? Who knows. This isn't just a strange non sequitur by the author. No one (but dad) literally knows why he sent Karkat, a strange unknown boy to fetch his dear, dear, son when he could've just as easily. Seriously.

Oh wait, I forgot: Dad wanted to bake a cake for his guests, whoever they may be.

...

Karkat had enough trouble reaching the school. He didn't know shit about how the Earth worked, let alone this warped version. Needless to say, by the time he got to the school, most of the students had already fled the establishment. He stood for a moment, hovering awkwardly by the entrance, debating whether it was worth the effort to find Egbert rather than have John look for him himself.

He didn't have more than a minute of this before John answered his conundrum by barreling at him at top speed.

"John! What the-"

John threw his arms around Karkat and threw his head on his shoulder and cried. Deep, heart wrenching sobs that stained Karkat's shirt and made everyone nearby stop and openly stare.

"Uh, shhh, it's okay, it's okay..." Karkat said, hugging him back because it only seemed right.

"I can't! I can't do this anymore!" He choked out.

"Well, I guess, you don't have to. If you can't do it anymore then... Stop."

John cried even harder, though it was hard to tell if it was out of pain or relief. Or both.

Now people were _really_ starting to stare.

Karkat carefully steered John away, consoling him and muttering comforting things as he gently guided John back home.

Unfortunately, there were two Dads sitting across from each other and a very uncomfortable Jane waiting for them at home.

...

Rose had to go to school. She didn't like it, nor did she have any care over her grades, but she had to keep pretending that things were normal, despite the fact that one of her not-so-human friends had been found out. Even though Mom knew she somehow got into contact with aliens. Even though everything was anything _but_ normal.

She stood warily at the entrance of the school, students swarming around her and the massive doors looming up into the sky. Oh god this was a horrible idea.

She narrowed her eyes and braced herself, taking a deep breath. She plunged in, joining the throng pushing through the hallways.

Classes sprung at her like test questions, launched fast but answered slow. First period: Math. Slogging through utterly mundane proofs and equations. Second period: English. A class for learning everything we already know. Third period: History. A bunch of dusty old relics of remnants of a civilization long past. True, Rose usually liked history, but today just wasn't her day.

Then lunch break.

The spooky goth doesn't really attract many friends, so Rose generally sat alone. Today, however, and almost-friend tentatively sat next to her with a shy hello and a skirting glance from beneath her eyelids.

Rose found her sufficiently adorable, and accepted her presence. Indeed, she even began a conversation with the girl.

"Hello Caroline. I don't usually sit here with you."

"Oh, yeah, um, sorry. I like to, uh, sit with you, but, well, I'm kind of... Shy." She said, blushing and biting her lip.

Dearsweetmotherfuckingjegus. "Why do I have the pleasure of your company today?"

She blushed even more fiercely. "Oh, um, no reason, really..."

Rose took pity on the child. She saw a crossroad for her, one end with disaster and the other with with a pleasant surprise. "When you go to your next class, take the longer route."

"What?"

"When you walk to your next class, go the longer way around. You won't regret it."

"Oh, um, okay." Oh my god, Rose was psychic! She just became TWENTY. MILLION. TIMES. COOLER! Caroline felt he heart pound even harder before she managed to calm herself down some. No, Rose was probably not psychic, because that is impossible. Then how would she know that Caroline had a long path and a short path to her next class? Maybe... Rose watched her! Like she watches Rose! Oh shoot that sounded creepy. She doesn't really _watch_ Rose, per se, more like... Like... Um, watching. Shit.

"Well, I better start getting to class."

"What do you, um, the bell hasn't, rung..."

Rose stood up. "What do you mean?" She smiled and the bell rang out in the background. "Of course it has."

And she walked away.

Caroline could barely contain the fangirl screaming she wanted to do.

...

Dirk was out. He'd gone to the store, trying to seem helpful to his older alternate self. Roxy knew that although he'd never admit it, he was the smallest bit intimidated by Bro. Ironic, isn't it?

In Dirk's absence, she caught up with Calliope more, talking about nonsense and generally having a good time. But every nonsense conversation always has to lead to some kind of retarded action, especially if you've had a few drinks to reuniting and friendship.

So naturally after exclaiming how funny and awesome they each were and they'd thoroughly discussed... Well, everything there was to discuss, the conversation turned to the First Guardian.

"I mean, Im sutrprised he's a human; usually theure an animal or someting."

"lol I kno! When I saw him, at frist I swere (fuck *swore) he wasn't the first guaurdiun."

"Heey, if he coudl turn people into trols, maybee he could makeme a troll!"

"omg that would be fuckin awesome."

"Leys do it right noe! I bet we cold be innout real fast!"

"Yesss!"

Ha, those girls. They think they could do anything. Good thing they don't have any money or anything, so they won't be able to-

"Hey! Csllie! I found thiorty dollars!"

Shit. Well, it's not like Bro won't catch them-

"Lets sneak oute before the adult dork (*dirk shit sorry) gets home!"

Well fuck.

Nice going Bro. Why did you thing that leaving two girls alone with thirty dollars lying around a good thing?

...

**Four months ago...**

Dave paced his room. He couldn't sit, he couldn't concentrate, he couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat. He'd been like this for three days, just walking back and forth over and over until Bro would grab him and force something into him. Dave couldn't stop. He was afraid, terrified that if he stopped, he would forget, he would turn into another person who would do dumb things and ignore his friends.

Dave might not've been a hero, but he wasn't a bastard.

After a week had passed and there was no change in Dave's condition, Bro forced his way into the room and grabbed Dave.

"We need to talk."

"Can I say no, or should I say fuck no?" Dave growled.

"You haven't slept for six days straight."

"I'm never going to sleep again, and it's none of your damn business why."

"Dave-"

"Fuck off!"

"Dave. No."

"If I tell you to fuck off, I want you to go the fuck out of my room!"

Bro's grip tightened slightly, and he lowered his head to look Dave in the eye. "Dave, what's wrong?"

"You're what's wrong."

"Tell me."

Dave was seething. He couldn't remember ever being this angry. He wasn't even certain why he was angry.

And then nothing. Nothing happened. Dave woke up the next day and realized that for the first time in a while that he had slept the whole night.

Well, at least that's all Dave remembers. He seemed to have forgotten screaming "Go away!" then suddenly appearing in weird pajamas and floating with a sword pulled from nowhere.

Maybe it was a good thing Dave forgot that. Bro stopped pestering him.

...

**Present day**

Lunch detention. Two of the most dreaded and beautiful words Dave has ever heard. He won't have to find somewhere to sit for lunch, nor will he have to talk to people or have people talk to him. Nothing but blissful silence.

Passing period, on the other hand, was painful. People stopped to turn and look at him, calling out to him and asking for a reenactment of the PE incident. Stupid lousy goddamn temper. Got in the way of all rational decisions.

The silence was punctuated by shuffling and ruffling papers. Dave felt his chest and arms throb with every beat of his heart. He leaned back and closed his eyes, trying to dull the pain with sleep. But then the awful, horrible bell rang, and it was time to return to class.

Not just any class either, but the worst one.

Physical science.

...

Kanaya hissed as she revved her chainsaw, her fury only barely held back by Mom's presence, and Sollux flickered with ghostly light. Aradia was the only one who hadn't moved.

Gamzee stood there, his eyes half-open, his mouth cocked slightly in some semblance of a smile. He was holding a beat up boy with glasses hanging broken off his face.

"I'm going to fucking kill you!" Kanaya snarled, stepping forward before Mom pushed her back.

"Who are you?" Mom asked.

"Gamzee, the murderous juggalo bastard." Sollux managed through a clenched jaw.

"Gamzee, what are you doing here?" Aradia asked.

"i found this motherfucker." He muttered quietly.

"What?"

"I MOTHERFUCKING FOUND THIS MOTHERFUCKER. and i wanted to return him."

"What else have you done here?" Aradia asked warily.

"He's obviously never done anything good!" Kanaya growled.

"I bet he was looking for Terezi."

"Get out of the way!" Kanaya said to Mom.

"Not until I know the full situation." She said warily, while stoically holding her ground against the murderous troll-turned-human-weilding-a-chainsaw.

"Gamzee, will you give us Jake?" Aradia asked.

"SURE MOTHERFUCKING THING. but i want someone in return."

"We're not going to give you anyone asshole! Just give us the human and fuck off." Sollux said, black and white energy flowing in waves off his body.

"I WILL MOTHERFUCKING DO. what i motherfucking want. SO YOU GO THE MOTHERFUCK OFF. sewage blooded motherfucker."

Sollux could barely contain his rage. In the days he was human, he'd almost forgotten about the rage that was always there. And the hopelessness. The sense of doom and futility that clouded everything he did.

But it was mostly rage.

Gamzee didn't seem to react. He let out a breath and threw Jake down, then turned and left.

...

The First Guardian laughed at their approach. They must've seemed as though they were small, feeble children coping in a world to big and confusing for them. Which they were, but no one knows what the First Guardian thinks, not even the author.

He was not a cruel man, though he was not particularly charismatic either. He was not loyal nor the opposite. Those were others of his paradoxical kind.

He was wise.

And he'd been looking forward to this encounter for quite some time.

The cherub asked if she could be made troll. The guardian responded with a no, she couldn't be a troll; that would be impossible. His powers to turn people from one species to another had been temporarily lent from the Horrorterrors.

She didn't seem to understand. He fixed the chemical balance of her and her friend, and repeated his explanation. She understood this time. But she had one more question.

"Why?"

He smiled.

"My dear, you know players are forever interconnected, don't you?"

...

Jade made up her mind. She was going to be strong. She was going to be the big girl. She was going to straighten her shoulders, grab her gun, and get Jake. She was really, truly going to do it. Really. In, like, five minutes. Ten.

Okay, now.

...

NOW!

Three more minutes.

Okay, one.

Oh fer cryin' out loud, Jade get a move on!

... Just one more- No just go!

She took a deep breath and disappeared in a flash of green light.

...

When Bro and Dirk came home, they were surprised to find that Calliope and Roxy were missing. They were even more surprised to see Jade appear in a flash of green light.

Jade looked around before noticing Dirk and his alternate self.

"Where's Jake?" She asked.

"Who?" Bro said.

"I thought he was with you." Dirk responded.

She shook her head. "He was going to stay here for a little while. Is he with Jane?"

"He wouldn't approach her with a 30ft pole."

"What?"

"He's embarrassed at how he ignored her feelings."

Jade bit her lip. "From the sound of it, your team was full of a lot of drama, huh?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't even go there."

Jade laughed and disappeared, not pausing to notice that Dirk seemed to have no problem talking about the game like everyone else. She didn't notice that while she was with him, she didn't have a problem either.

"Who was that?" Bro asked, setting a bag down on the counter.

"That was Jade. Dave never talked about her?"

"He never really talked about anyone. The only person he's ever really mentioned was John."

"Huh. He's a bit of a drama queen, isn't he?"

Bro laughed.

...

Players who create themselves and each other are uniquely bound throughout all of paradox space. They will always inevitably meet at least once, usually more. They cannot run away from fate, for usually running leads straight into fate's arms.

The game was designed for children on the cusp of maturity to play it. Even the ones that loose or die will be accommodated for accordingly. This universe was made for them to heal, not to hide or forget. The First Guardian of this place saw that the purpose was not being served just as he predicted, so he appealed to the Horrorterrors of the Furthest Ring to grant him a few tools he would need. He gathered everyone to this place, so that they would be forced to remember, and so that as they were reminded their guardians would be there for them.

The process has begun.

Now that things are in motion that had merely sat stagnant previously, the First Guardian doesn't have anything else to do but watch.

* * *

**An explanation of the kids' schools;**

**Dave's school starts later, so he gets out around 3:30 or so. His school has six periods each day with lunch after the third. Rose has a prestigious fancy-smancy school, so she starts early and gets out late with eight classes a day, nutrition after second, lunch after fourth. John's school has six classes (but a zero or seventh is an option) and it starts same time as Rose's but gets out 2:00.**

**Not entirely relevant, but I just wanted to say that.**

**So, time shenanigans. I've tried to keep these split plots as linear as possible, but... its kinda hard. Also, I'm introducing FLASHBACKS. I will write the approximate time of the flashback in bold on top, but I won't italicize the whole thing because reading that hurts my eyes, and the less inclined I am to read my own work, the worse it will be.**

**I apologize for a lousy depiction of: Calliope, Gamzee, Vriska, Roxy, Jake, and Terezi, possibly more to come as I re-read this. They're just such complex characters...**

**I wrote Gamzee as Sober!Gamzee because otherwise he would just be flailing around killing people with not even an introductory conflict, and that would mean no plot. **

**Also, I'm just realizing that I made Terezi too perky. I'll think of something for that.**

**I hope you liked it all the same...**


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